Why
by BeautifulDisasterxx
Summary: Why was she so blind? Why couldn’t she see it before? There were so many “Why’s” but not enough answers. AlexJay.


**Why?**

**Disclaimer:** If you're wondering, I don't own anything.

**Warning:** This is based on the spoilers for "Secrets Part 1", if you don't want to know then don't read. **Also** Deanna Casaluce is the actress that plays Alex, so I used Casaluce as Alex's last name because I don't know Alex's last name.

**Rating:** PG-13 for language.

**A/N:** I'm pissed off! Jay cheated on Alex! What the hell?! Are the writers on crack?! **Ahem!** Anyway…I just wanted to say that I'm nervous about posting this because it's my first Degrassi fic **_ever_**. So please be kind. **Also** I know Towerz wasn't even in Secrets, in fact I don't know where the hell he is but I'm pretending he's still exists in this fic.

_Now you say you're sorry.  
For being so untrue,  
Well you can cry me a river, cry me a river.  
I cried a river over you. _---Aerosmith _"Cry Me A River"_

Alex sat perched up on her bed, her legs close to her chest, her arms holding them in place. Her chin rested on her knees, her breath was slow and deep. She could hear the rain pitter-patter on the roof of her house, the house that was deathly silent for the first time in weeks. Her mother's boyfriend, Eddie was out of town with his friends which meant her mother would actually go to work Monday without any bruises or gashes on her arms, legs and face. It hurt her to see her mother treated so badly, that's why she was the way she was. She was Alex Casaluce, the bitchy bad girl who was angry at everything and everyone but lately she'd been doing things that she'd never thought she'd do. She ran for class president, at first she did it because she didn't want some preppy airhead zombie winning but she wanted to show people she was more than just some angry girl with problems. She also joined the drama club after school. A club with Emma Nelson, Manny Santos and Liberty Van Zandt and bunch of other people she hated but it didn't matter, being part of something made her feel happy. It took her mind off the guilt she felt about the shooting, about her family, about everything in her life.

She knew she wasn't the same Alex as the previous year, she wasn't into the partying and getting drunk all the time. She wasn't into skipping school to make-out with Jay in his ugly orange Civic all day. She always wondered why her life was so messed up. Why her? Why not someone else? Why did she get stuck with no father? There were so many "Why's" but not enough answers. One "why" she wanted an answer to was why Jay had taken his "hateful relationship" with Emma Nelson to the next level. Why did Jay do that to her? Yes they weren't on the best terms but she was still his girlfriend. She was still running to him when Eddie got violent and threatened her. Why?

A light tap on her door interrupted her thoughts. "Yeah?" She said with a shaky voice.

"Alex, you have a visitor." Her mother said, moving aside to reveal a dressed in all black Jay with a slightly guilty look on his face. _'Good'_ She thought. _'He better feel fucking guilty.' _"Don't be too long dinner will be ready soon."

"Don't worry he won't be here long." Alex snapped, making him look at her weirdly. He probably thought she didn't know. _'What a dumbass.' _She thought. Her mom shut the door quietly making her way back down to the kitchen.

"She looks good." Jay said referring to her mom's condition. Usually she'd have sling or a bandage on her arm by now.

"Yeah Eddie's out of town for the weekend." She answered, her hands were placed firmly on her hips, just above the waist band of the dark blue sweat pants she was wearing with black sweatshirt, that didn't match, covering her upper body. "What do you want?"

"What's wrong with you?" Jay asked as if he'd done nothing wrong.

"What's wrong with me?" She laughed at his stupid question. "What's wrong with you, Jay? Why have you been acting weird lately?"

"Yeah I'm acting weird? I'm not the one running for class president or the one joining the stupid fucking drama club with Emma Nelson and her group of goody-goodies!"

"Oh! Funny you should mention her." Alex walked past him, he turned around and looked at her. "Cause Towerz told me the craziest story today." She let out a fake laugh while Jay bit his lip. "He actually said that You, Jay Hobart was getting 'oral pleasure' by none other than _the_ Emma Nelson, Degrassi's own cause girl." Jay looked bewildered. "So Jay…you wanna explain that to me." He just stood there, speechless. Alex shook her head in disbelief. "Yeah I didn't think so." She picked up the box that sat on the foot of her bed. CD's, clothes, sunglasses and any other objects that had anything to do with Jay were in there. "Here's all the shit you've left here." She shoved the box into his chest, making him take a step backwards. "Oh and this too." Alex pulled the black sweatshirt over her head, revealing a white wife beater underneath. She threw the sweatshirt in the box that he was cradling.

"Alex—" He started but she cut him off.

"I don't wanna hear it Jay. Was I not enough for you?" She yelled, he didn't even make eye contact with her.

He looked up quickly with a confused look. "What? Of course you were—"

"Then why? Do you like her?" Silence. "Well I hope you enjoyed it. Cause just so you know, if you actually think you have a shot with her…you're wrong." She spat bitterly. She didn't care if she was hurting his feelings, he hurt her by cheating on her with that blonde bimbo. "You're just a cheap replacement until she gets Sean back. You do realize that don't you? She's never gonna like you, she's everything you hate. And you're everything she hates. You're just temporary. So I hope it was worth it."

"I'm sorry." He muttered staring down at the floor, his hands around the big box filled with his crap. She'd actually believe he was sorry if it weren't for the fact that he had no intention on telling her in the first place.

"You're sorry? Do you know how many times I've heard that? From you, from everyone!" She bit her lower lip, she wanted to bite it so hard until it bled but stopped herself. "Did you ever plan on telling me?"

He shifted back and forth on his heels. "I don't know—yes…eventually."

"You know Jay, you're just like every one says you are. A lying, cheating jackass who doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself!" She screamed while her eyes watered, her voice got shakier and weaker. "You promised to never make me cry. But…you did…so congratulations!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms up in the air as if he'd won a prize.

"Alex…I'm not proud of what I did." Jay said his voice rising.

"Why? You got Emma Nelson to perform a sexual act on you. You should be presented with an award or something, she's a hard one to crack Jay! I'm sure Sean will love hearing about his best friend and ex-girlfriend getting hot and heavy in the back of a fucking van!" More tears rolled down her cheeks. Jay put down the box and stepped closer to her. "Don't touch me." She said through clenched teeth. He backed away with a tight jaw and a drooping head. Alex wiped away the tears.

"Alex…" He struggled with his words.

"No…don't. How many girls have there been? 5? 13? 20?! And don't say there aren't anymore because I know there were and I know Amy was one of them."

"A few."

"Get the hell out!" She screamed so loud that the neighbours probably heard.

"Just let me explain!"

"I don't fucking wanna hear your lame ass excuses Jay. I'm sick of them. I'm sick of your lies, I'm sick of everything about you. You think you can just walk all over me? I don't think so, maybe my mom doesn't have enough strength to stand up to Eddie but I can stand up to you and say…" She stepped closer to him with a disgusted look on her face. "We're through."

Jay looked down at her Alex, he could see the tears forming in her eyes again. He'd never seen her cry before, Alex never cried in front of him. "I really am sorry"

"Yeah well if you were really sorry then you wouldn't have continued to cheat on me. And with Amy too? God, I thought you would've at least found a girl with a little class. I guess I was wrong about you." She opened the door for him to exit. "Goodbye Jay." She said coldly, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her.

"I'm sorry."

"Save it for the next idiot who's dumb enough to date you." She snapped. Jay looked at Alex one last time before he picked the box back up and left the room, she slammed the door shut behind him. Alex just stood there, her chest rising and falling at a fast pace. She looked over to her right, she grabbed the small porcelain vase on her dresser and threw it against the wall. The sound echoed through her room as it made contact with the wall, the pieces scattered all over her floor. Her door creaked open again, her mom's head peaked in with a worried look covering her face.

"Alex?" She said, her voice soothing Alex. Alex turned her head towards her mother, revealing her tear-stained face. "Oh sweetie" She captured Alex in her arms holding her tight. Alex cried into her mom's shoulder, finally someone cared. "I'm so sorry baby." All she could do was cry, nothing else was a possibility. Anger wasn't even within her right now, beating someone up wouldn't make her feel better. Because after all Alex Casaluce was like anyone else, she felt like everyone else, she cried like everyone else.

Yes, Alex Casaluce was crying over a boy, even as much as she wanted to deny it she couldn't. But she hated him, she hated everything about him. His stupid hats. His sunglasses that he hid behind. His cocky smile. His strong-arms. The way he was when he was just with her. How gentle he was with her after Eddie had hit her. Was he like that with Amy and the other girls he was with? Did he care about them? Did he even care about her?

She hated him but she cried over him because she still loved him and she didn't know why. She didn't know anything anymore. She didn't know who Jay was. But most of all she didn't know who she was anymore. Why didn't she see it in the way he was acting? Why was she so blind? Why couldn't she see it before? She just wanted to know why.

End 

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